thanks, babe

When I found out I was pregnant I was unbelievably excited, so happy to welcome a new life into the world.

But I didn’t think twice about the side effects of pregnancy, at least not until they got into full swing!

There’s the obvious ones such as morning sickness, varicose veins, stretch marks, weight gain and mood swings.

But wait, there’s more. Lots more.  Baby Centre points out other unwanted outcomes like gas, constipation, itchy skin and haemorrhoids. Yay!

It doesn’t stop there.  Visit The Cradle for a list that includes vaginal discharge, increased hair growth and pain in the groin area.  Can it get any better?

These are just the tip of the iceberg!

So far, I’ve been lucky to avoid many of them. 

No morning sickness to speak of (just an insatiable hunger, see my previous point about weight gain).

No stretch marks either, but I’m expecting them sooner or later (again, weight gain).

Still, there are still some effects of pregnancy I’d rather not deal with.

Acne:  This stage has passed (I hope) but for a couple of months I constantly had at least two gracing my puffy face at any one time.  Yum!

Dandruff:  Again, this has gone for now, but for a while there it looked like we were going to have a white Christmas (and in Sydney that’s no mean feat).

Fatigue:  Thankfully this has eased up a lot since the first trimester but I still can’t take on as much as I used to, or stay up nearly as late.  And exercise seems a lot tougher too (back to the weight gain issue again!).  It’ll get better after that baby is born and I can sleep in, right?

Boobs:  While it’s been nice to have temporarily inflated boobs, the extra weight has meant that I’m in danger of failing the pencil test (one of the only school girl body tests I’ve always passed with flying colours).  I’m also trying not think about what’s going to happen once the temporary boobaliciousness has passed.  I’m guessing it won’t be pretty.

And speaking of boobs, I have temporarily grown a new one.  The saying ‘three’s a crowd’ springs to mind.  I was concerned about a new mole that had developed under my breast.  The doctor took one look at it and laughed, telling me (while barely containing his mirth) that I was growing a new nipple. 

“Sometimes it can turn into a new breast,” he giggled.  “Great for triplets!”  Uh, yeah. Thankfully, it still looks like a mole, not a third nipple.  For now.

Weight gain:  When I mentioned to one of my sisters, mother of three, that I was worried I had gained too much weight (and from the look of concern on my doctors face whenever I weigh in, it looks like I have) my sister said “Oh, don’t worry about weight gain.  You can lose that.  Worry about the fact that your waist will never be the same AND you’ll have stretch marks. 

“Thank god my stomach has gotten flat again, finally, but even my husband says the veins on my legs are disgusting – I’m spending a fortune getting them removed. 

“And just when I’m having a good day?  I have my youngest son chasing me round the house yelling ‘big wobbly bot bot, big wobbly bot bot’”. 

Sweet.

I haven’t even started to list some of things I’ve heard about happening to your body during labour. 

One friend I’ve spoken to lately (who had an unusual tearing incident) has described her nether regions as “looking like something a dog has taken a bite out of”.  Ouch.

I know it is a crime of vanity to worry about these things, but hopefully the prediction is worse than the actual event.  If not, I’ll be wearing my ‘maternity’ wardrobe for a long time to come.

At least I’ll have cherubs smiling face to cheer me up on a fat day.

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