a bit of friendly competition

Much has been said about competitive mothers, starting with comparing Agpar scores taken at birth, up to (and beyond) reports cards in high school.

But the competition really starts at pregnancy, or perhaps even beforehand. 

From women comparing themselves to others in terms of how long it took them to conceive, to how much weight they did (or didn’t gain) during pregnancy, from ultrasound results to how much they could take on while pregnant.

It’s enough to make you crazy, if you let it, and I doubt there are many women who haven’t compared themselves and their pregnancy to someone else.

Even gorgeous singer Pink, who usually comes across as the picture of self confidence, has taken to posting self-portraits of herself to counteract the less than flattering papparazzi shots popping up in the media, accompanied by charming comments like “Pink looks horrible pregnant“.

Pink pregnant

Unfortunately there is little you can do to avoid it – even if you aren’t particularly prone to comparing yourself with other people, well meaning (?) friends, relatives and co-workers are likely to point out your shortcomings at some point or another.

Feeling nauseous?  Tired? Irritable Someone you know will have breezed through pregnancy feeling none of these things and someone else will be sure to let you know about it before you even open your mouth to complain.

Feeling a little plump?  Too tired to exercise?  You’re sure to hear about a friend’s (insert here) sister/cousin/colleague who didn’t gain a pound over the baby’s weight, continued jogging until the day their baby was born and wore their pre-maternity jeans out of the delivery suite.

Even if your pregnancy goes relatively smoothly, there is always someone to helpfully remind you that so-and-so did it better, healthier and happier, all while working 60 hour weeks, completing triathlons, looking like a supermodel and renovating a stunning designer nursery.

Earlier in my pregnancy I was at a wedding and when it got close to midnight I said goodbye to a friend, saying I was too tired to stay late. 

Her response?  “What’s wrong with you? I never felt tired after 12 weeks”.  Awesome, for her.

I couldn’t give two hoots about it now but at the time I was left with a feeling of inadequacy – what is wrong with me? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to some of the comments/advice/’supportive’ information I’ve been given.

If you ever find yourself wanting to slap someone for their (hopefully unintentionally) insensitive comments, just remind yourself that for every Gisele out there (who was apparently up cooking pancakes for the family the day after a drug-free birth which didn’t hurt in the slightest, and back modelling not long after) there will be someone out there who is doing it just as tough, or tougher than you.

gisele bundchen working that pregnancy glow

It’s also important to realise that while there are some truly blessed people out there (yay for Gisele) there are a lot of people who are selective about what they choose to broadcast about themselves so that they are always seen in a more positive light.

All you can do is the best you can, and smile to yourself that you are about to bring a lovely, precious little bundle into the world who won’t care if your hair is greasy or your thighs are more cottage cheese than coltish. 

The baby will just want love, smiles and cuddles from mum (food and a clean nappy won’t hurt either) and that is something no one can do better than you!

(as an aside, if you ever feel like you don’t measure up, check out this clip from Killing Me Softly as posted on MamaMia – a must see for any woman, pregnant or not.  Go Kate Winslet!)

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One Comment to “a bit of friendly competition”

  1. Love it, just what I needed to read as I am trying to deal with all of the above..why you so tired, gee you look awful, I never got sick bla bla bla
    Thanks Ally keep blogging xoxox

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